Elopement or Intimate Wedding...whats the difference?
Just about an hour after you get engaged and that beautiful ring gets slipped on your finger and you’ve called your families and closest friends to tell them the big news and posted a few selfies online, it suddenly hits you. You have to start planning a wedding, an amazing wedding and you feel like you’re already behind schedule and you should have started yesterday!
All couples in love are unique. So whether have already spoken in great detail about what type of a wedding would suit your budget and personalities and dreams of ever after the best, or they totally surprised you with this proposal and the whole concept of wedding planning just became the focal point of your life, there are some basics that you should start with and we’ll go over those with you.
First, talk to each other honestly about how you always thought of your wedding day, if in fact, you have had those daydreams, and how that dream would plugin with the life that you have now. Otherwise known as Your Real Life. Maybe when you were younger you watched “The Wedding Planner” at least ten times and imagined a huge gathering with all of the lavish trimmings, or maybe you pictured a Las Vegas chapel with wild after-party or a country setting with an old vintage barn and tons of twinkly lights. But that’s not who you are now, and you need to define what would make you both happy and suite your needs and budget and close family relationships as ruffle free as possible.
The B-word. It’s the budget of course. A huge part of what makes relationships work is both of you being on the same page about money. It’s statistically proven that couples that agree on finances and don’t have a lot of debt are more likely to have long happy marriages. Finances are a huge stumbling block in many relationships, so don’t let that happen to the two of you. Find the magic number that you can afford, and find a way to create the magic within that amount. One of the parts of our wedding company that we enjoy the most is helping our couples create that affordable experience and being really happy with what they’re going to be experiencing. Now is also a good time to find out what you want to spend the bulk of your finances on. Is it going to be traveling to your wedding? The wedding photography? Maybe you’re all about the food and drinks or live music?
You can have an affordable dream day.
So now you’ve had an open and honest talk about what you both want the wedding day to look like and how much you can afford to spend and on what. Good job!
A lot of modern couples are foregoing the huge wedding days that were popular with their parents and grandparents, and are looking at an elopement wedding, or an intimate wedding. This is what you really came to learn about, but I thought we should cover those other points first, and you’ve possibly come to the conclusion that a smaller gathering is for you. If so, or if you’re still unsure, then read on.
We’re going to cover elopements then, and now. It’s only recently that elopements have become the “It Girl” of weddings, but their time has certainly come and we are thrilled. There was a time when there were no options. You had a big wedding usually at your family’s church or house of worship, or maybe a fancy hotel. It was “how things were done”. If you were going to elope, it was done in secrecy, with a good dose of shame attached. Your motives could be questioned or worse. (Ok Boomer, you know what I mean)
It’s not like that anymore and I’ll go so far as to say it’s become a status symbol. Some reasons to elope:
*It’s romantic. The two of you packing up and heading off to parts unknown all Bonnie and Clyde.
You come back and you’ve had an adventure with stories to tell and the pictures and wedding video to back it up. It’s a great excuse to plan a party with those you love the most, to share the experience with them through your wedding portfolio images and media.
* You’re shy. That’s a perfectly good reason to elope. Not everybody wants to be the center of attention. Maybe you aren’t into any celebration that you would have to get up and speak at or dance while a room full of people watches. Maybe you’re a solid introvert, or maybe one of you is on the spectrum.
*Maybe you have complicated family dynamics and you don’t want any of that to be on your mind during this very important day. No “helpful” emails or texts blowing up your phone and life. You get to decide every single detail yourself. A lot of couples don’t tell their families ahead of time and announce the marriage when it’s signed and sealed. There are no opinions about what you should do, except for your own. I should also mention, maybe you don’t have complicated families and you really want just your parents to be there, but nobody else. That’s still an elopement! Clarissa and Eli brought their parents as you’ll see in their layout, and everyone was thrilled.
*How about the fact that there are some City Halls and Courthouse Wedding options now, that are so gorgeous and affordable that you just can’t believe your eyes. When most people think of this type of elopement they think of getting married in a tacky County Clerks office or some low ceiling, florescent-lit room with a judge. We have made a point of getting to know some of the best options in the country and are proud to say we’re in really good company. Some personal favorites are the Capitol Building in Austin, Texas or the Santa Barbara Courthouse in Southern California. We’re celebrating a decade at San Francisco City Hall and have photographed and planned more than a thousand weddings at this historic marble venue, and are very proud to be a City Hall wedding company. Most people can’t believe their eyes when they look at any of these insta worthy venues, but they aren’t all created equal so check state regulations. For example, a lot of music lovers would want to get married in Nashville, but that town requires that you live in the state for thirty days, which kind of defeats the purpose of running away! So if you find the right one, City Hall weddings are a great elopement option.
*It’s affordable. Yes, it really is. Better yet, you can splurge on what’s most important to you, and there’s no looming debt when you go home together as newlyweds.
An elopement can still mean bringing a few people with you, maybe 2-8 guests. It’s still very small, where you wouldn’t have to pay to reserve a private room for dinner afterward, and flexible enough that you can plan some very special treats for the people that you DO bring. We recently partnered with a vintage VW Bus company, and offer photography tours around San Francisco after your ceremony. You can drive around together drinking champagne and having snacks and then take incredible pictures at the Golden Gate Bridge, The Palace Of Fine Arts, or on cliffs overlooking the ruins of the Sutro Baths. But be prepared, your other friends planning big weddings might be a bit jealous.
*There are all-inclusive, turn-key elopement packages.
All-inclusive wedding packages mean you can just book a simple wedding and show up. We know how busy you are. A lot of our couples are blending families and working full-time jobs all week. All-inclusive elopement packages are becoming really popular for this reason. Las Vegas and Lake Tahoe are places that a lot of couples associate with the all-inclusive elopement. We now offer all-inclusive packages at San Francisco City Hall and Sonoma Wine Country. We send our hair and makeup team to you in the morning, bring your choice of the bridal bouquet (or boutonnieres) with us as your photo and video team, and our officiant shows up at your location of choice. This covers easy and affordable.
So what about planning an intimate wedding, and what exactly does that mean?
If you wanted a wedding with more of the bells and whistles, more tradition and up to around fifty people, then the intimate wedding might be for the two of you. One of the main differences between the elopement wedding and the intimate wedding is that there’s no secret to keep. You’ll be sending out invitations or at least virtual invitations. Usually, there’s also going to be a cocktail party, sit down dinner, or after a party of some kind. Because it’s a smaller group of people to celebrate with you can pivot in a lot of different directions with this type of celebration. For example, if you wanted to do a destination wedding, a group of twenty to fifty would work. Not so much if you have two hundred guests.
At San Francisco City Hall, our couples can rent the Mayor’s Balcony for about a thousand dollars. This gives you time for your ceremony and family photo session.
Chantelle and Robert have a wonderful large blended family and there’s no way they’d get married without all of their kids, parents, aunts and uncles and cousins… and then some! The intimate wedding as a perfect fit for them.
If you really wanted to have a fancy sit down dinner with many courses, wine pairing, and gourmet food, then an intimate wedding is the perfect way to do it. Maybe you can afford this type of extravagance for twenty people, but not one hundred? Great, invite twenty and have the wedding dinner that you’ve dreamed of! A popular place in San Francisco is Lazy Bear which offers a cocktail loft upstairs, and then guests come down to the main level to sit at long bench style tables in front of the open kitchen while the chefs cook and talk about each course and pairing. It’s delicious and entertaining. A rare treat, and a perfect example of a unique experience that you could never have with a larger wedding.
Guest count is always an issue that couples and families wrestle with. An intimate (also called a small wedding or a simple wedding) involves more guests than if you’d eloped, but much less than a big, traditional wedding. Once you have firmly set a number of guests, you can explain to people who may have hurt feeling if they aren’t included, that your venue only allows for “X” amount of people, and just blame it on that. Nobody has to know your exact guest count! You also have the option of having an intimate wedding and later having a larger and more casual reception like a big backyard party to keep costs reasonable.
With an elopement you would never have a wedding party, but if bridesmaids in pretty pastel dresses and bachelor party trips are something you’ve been looking forward to then these are elements that can still fit in with an intimate wedding. If you have close family and friends, or children, this type of wedding will be easy to fold them into the ceremony itself in a simple and elegant way. If you are blending families, giving the children a token gift after you two exchange rings is a nice way to include them. Family and friends can read poems, religious passages or anything else that you find meaningful to personalize your ceremony.
So now that you understand these two options, you can make a well-informed choice as to which type of wedding feels right to you. You can have a perfect wedding, on budget and just the way you want it!